How Dad Can be a Good CO_PARENT

Parents who live apart can face uphill battle in being good parents. Most often, dads are the parents separated from their children. As a result, these dads can face a huge challenge in being good co-parents.
Below are 3 steps you can take now to be a good co-parent. Each step includes basic tips that anyone can use and questions to ask about them.

1. Be thankful for what the mother of your child offers your child
2. Respect the mother of your child as a parent despite your differences and feeling about her.
3. Put past disagreements and conflicts aside and concentrate on your child.
4. Share control over your child's life and respect the mother' style of parenting.
5. Talk and negotiate with the mother about your child, such as how to help your child succeed in school.
6. Live with the differences in how to raise your child without seeing those differences as harmful. See which differences are important and unimportant so you can communicate and negotiate about the important ones.

Which of these tips will be the hardest for you to use? Why will it be the hardest one? What can you do to make it easier to use?

Men and women tend to have different parenting styles. For example, dads, on average, let their children take more risks. Moms, on average, hold their children closer and let them take fewer risks. These differences in style are good for children. But when parent have a different way to go about being parents and solving problems, it can create problems.

1. Value the need to change and listen. If you don't believe you need to change anything, you won't make the effort to listen to the need for change.
2. Value the mother. If you don't believe that she might have a valid point, you won't listen to what has to say about a change you need to make. You'll see her as nagging you.
3. Get in touch with your point of view. Ask yourself: Where did it come from? What caused it? Why do I defend it? What am I holding on to?
4. Listen to the mother's point of view. Ask her: Where does it come from? Why do you believe or value it?
5. Know that the mother's view is as important to her as yours is to you.
6. Put yourself in the mother's shoes to see things as she does.
7. Use these ground rules when you need to discuss a difficult issue with the mother:
   • No more than 15 to 30 minutes for talking.
   • Don't attack the other person.
   • No name calling.
   • Stick to the subject or difference.
   • Don't bring up the past if it has nothing to do with the difference.
   • Keep calm and end the talk if one of you becomes angry.
   • Respect each other.
8. Be willing to bargain or strike a deal with the mother. What can each of you give to the other? What is each of you willing to let go of?
9. Be ready to walk away if you or the mother becomes angry.
10. It might take more than one talk to solve the difference.

Which of these tips will be the most difficult one for you to use? Start with that one.

If you don't live with or have custody of your child, be sure to include these 12 things in a co-parenting plan.

1. Where your child will live
2. How you and the mother will help your child feel like he or she has to homes
3. How much time each of you will spend with your child and other matters with visitation
4. How you will handle holidays and other special days like birthdays.
5. How each of you will provide money to support your child.
6. How each of you will be involved in your child's school life and other activities, such as sports and music.
7. How you will handle spiritual and religious life.
8. If you must pay child support, pay it unless you can't afford it. Pay as much as you can, if you can't pay all of it. Go to a lawyer or the judge to work out a plan that you can afford.
9. Have the same rules in both homes, such as for discipline, rewards, bedtime, and meals. You will confuse your child and make it hard for you and the mother if one home is loose and other strict.
10. Don't be a "Disney Dad" and spoil your child. It's okay to do stuff with her or him that costs money, but try to do fun stuff that doesn't cost much or is free. Your child doesn't care how much money you have. Your child only cares that you love her or him. Children spell love "T-I-M-E."
11. Leave your problems at the door. The time you have with your child is too special to let the problems in your life ruin your time with him or her.
12. If you have custody of your child, send mom and email or text her once a week with an update on your child. If she has custody, ask her to do the same.

Do you and the mother of your child have a written co-parent plan? If not, do you already have some of the tips above in place that you can include in one? What other agreements should you add?