Parents who live apart can face uphill battle in being good parents. Most often, dads are the parents separated from their children. As a result, these dads can face a huge challenge in being good co-parents.
Below are 3 steps you can take now to be a good co-parent. Each step includes basic tips that anyone can use and questions to ask about them.

1. Be thankful for what the mother of your child offers your child
2. Respect the mother of your child as a parent despite your differences and feeling about her.
3. Put past disagreements and conflicts aside and concentrate on your child.
4. Share control over your child's life and respect the mother' style of parenting.
5. Talk and negotiate with the mother about your child, such as how to help your child succeed in school.
6. Live with the differences in how to raise your child without seeing those differences as harmful. See which differences are important and unimportant so you can communicate and negotiate about the important ones.

Which of these tips will be the hardest for you to use? Why will it be the hardest one? What can you do to make it easier to use?

Men and women tend to have different parenting styles. For example, dads, on average, let their children take more risks. Moms, on average, hold their children closer and let them take fewer risks. These differences in style are good for children. But when parent have a different way to go about being parents and solving problems, it can create problems.

1. Value the need to change and listen. If you don't believe you need to change anything, you won't make the effort to listen to the need for change.
2. Value the mother. If you don't believe that she might have a valid point, you won't listen to what has to say about a change you need to make. You'll see her as nagging you.
3. Get in touch with your point of view. Ask yourself: Where did it come from? What caused it? Why do I defend it? What am I holding on to?
4. Listen to the mother's point of view. Ask her: Where does it come from? Why do you believe or value it?
5. Know that the mother's view is as important to her as yours is to you.
6. Put yourself in the mother's shoes to see things as she does.
7. Use these ground rules when you need to discuss a difficult issue with the mother:
   • No more than 15 to 30 minutes for talking.
   • Don't attack the other person.
   • No name calling.
   • Stick to the subject or difference.
   • Don't bring up the past if it has nothing to do with the difference.
   • Keep calm and end the talk if one of you becomes angry.
   • Respect each other.
8. Be willing to bargain or strike a deal with the mother. What can each of you give to the other? What is each of you willing to let go of?
9. Be ready to walk away if you or the mother becomes angry.
10. It might take more than one talk to solve the difference.

Which of these tips will be the most difficult one for you to use? Start with that one.

If you don't live with or have custody of your child, be sure to include these 12 things in a co-parenting plan.

1. Where your child will live
2. How you and the mother will help your child feel like he or she has to homes
3. How much time each of you will spend with your child and other matters with visitation
4. How you will handle holidays and other special days like birthdays.
5. How each of you will provide money to support your child.
6. How each of you will be involved in your child's school life and other activities, such as sports and music.
7. How you will handle spiritual and religious life.
8. If you must pay child support, pay it unless you can't afford it. Pay as much as you can, if you can't pay all of it. Go to a lawyer or the judge to work out a plan that you can afford.
9. Have the same rules in both homes, such as for discipline, rewards, bedtime, and meals. You will confuse your child and make it hard for you and the mother if one home is loose and other strict.
10. Don't be a "Disney Dad" and spoil your child. It's okay to do stuff with her or him that costs money, but try to do fun stuff that doesn't cost much or is free. Your child doesn't care how much money you have. Your child only cares that you love her or him. Children spell love "T-I-M-E."
11. Leave your problems at the door. The time you have with your child is too special to let the problems in your life ruin your time with him or her.
12. If you have custody of your child, send mom and email or text her once a week with an update on your child. If she has custody, ask her to do the same.

Do you and the mother of your child have a written co-parent plan? If not, do you already have some of the tips above in place that you can include in one? What other agreements should you add?

Tips and Tools for Dad of Pre-School & School-Age Children

1. Don't let Mom do All the Work
   Some dads leave everything to do with school up to mom. When you are not involved, it gives your child only one partner to help. When you are involved, it takes the pressure off mom and shows her and your child that you respect mom and value school.
2. "Show and Tell" How Important School IS
   Your child needs to hear that school is important to success in life. Talk with your child as often as you can about the school day. Model how important school is by taking a course on something you want to learn. This will show that learning can be done at any age.
3. Help with School Worl
   Children today have more schoolwork (and homework) than you might have had as a child. This puts a lot of pressure on children. Helping with schoolwork can help your child learn more. Your child might be in a class of 20 to 30 students. If your child has problems with a certain subject, they might not get the one-on-one help they need. You and mom can give the one-on-one help the school might not be able to give.
4. Make School Fun
   Your child should have fun learning no matter how old they are. Play games that teach basic skills to your child, like math, reading, and writing. Use the fun times you spend with your child as a chance to learn. If you watch a basketball game with your child, for example, ask your child by how many points the winning team is ahead.
5. Spend a Day or Two in Class
   Ask your child's teacher if you can spend parts of one or two days in the classroom. this will give you an idea not only of the subjects your child learns, but how the teacher teaches them because it might be different than the way you learned those subjects. You don't want to confuse your child by being taught one way at school and another way at home.
6. Meet with the Teacher
   Set a time to meet with your child's teacher before you spend a day or two in class. This will help you get to know the teacher and ask questions you might have about how the teacher will teach and discipline your child. It's also good to meet with the principal to see how the school is run.
7. Go to School and Class Events
   Go to parent-teacher and student-led meetings, to class parties, to school plays, and to events that involve the entire school. When dads do these things, their children get better grades and like school more.
8. Join a Group That Helps Parents to Become Involved
   Become a member of a group, like the PTA or PTO, which helps parents to get involved in your child's school. Start a "Dad's Club" as part of the group. The club can create projects and events that help dads get involved in the school.
9. Get to Know Other Children and Parents
   Knowing the children in the class, and their parents, will help you talk with your child about the good and not so good things that happen at school. This will help if you need to talk with the teacher about problems between your child and other children. And who knows...getting to know the other parents might lead to new friendships.
10. Ask Your Boss for Time Off
    Use benefits, like flextime, that will allow you to get involved. Ask the teacher or school for a calendar or events so that you can ask for time off long before events take place. This will help your boss plan for your absence.

• 17 percent of children (12.5 million) are obese.
• Almost 3 times as many children are obese today as in 1980.
• these children are at high risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, some cancers, and other health problems.

The good news is that you can help your child to avoid being one of these numbers. Children are more likely to have a healthy weight and lifestyle if their dad has a healthy weight and lifestyle. How often you exercise and how healthy your diet is will affect your child's level of exercise and their diet.
Use these 10 tips to create a healthy path for your child that will last a lifetime

1. Exercise
   Enough said. Modeling exercise is perhaps the best thing you can do to create an active home. Try to involve your child when you exercise, such as having them jog with you. Not only will this show them the joy of exercise, but it will also bring you closer to your child.
2. Enroll Your Child in a sport
   Get your child in into a sports program they will enjoy. Allow your child to try several sports to find one they really enjoy. Don't push your child into sports they don't enjoy and remember that some sports require a lot of time from your child and family. Be aware of the commitment before you sign up.
3. Buy Healthy Foods
   Buy foods made from whole products, such as whole-wheat bread and brown rice, instead of highly refined foods, such as white bread and white rice. Limit foods with preservatives, chemicals, and those that are high in saturated fat and sugar. Buy lots of fruits and vegetables of many colors. Limit how often your family eats "fast foods."
4. Model a Healthy Diet
   Eat healthy foods. If you ask your children to eat broccoli, eat it, too. Not every family member will like the same foods, but overall, the family should follow the same healthy diet. If your diet needs a tune up, start eating healthy before asking your children to do the same.
5. Eat Regular Meals Together
   Pick at least one meal in the day that your family shares together. Many families choose dinner because it's a great time to get caught up on what's happening in the daily lives of dad, mom, and the children. Don't watch TV during mealtime. Avoid having your child do their homework during mealtime.
6. 6 Watch Portion Size
   When you eat at home, don't serve large amounts of food. When eating out, choose restaurant that serve smaller amounts. Children who stuff themselves don't learn that they should stop eating when full. Don't force your child to clean their plate. Your child knows when they're full. Watching portion size helps your child maintain a healthy weight.
7. Watch your Child Drink
   Sodas and fruit juice are the drink of choice for too many children. Once study of obese teens found that 50 percent of their calories came from sodas. Diet sodas don't pass the test. Fruit juices are okay in small amounts. Avoid sport drinks unless your child needs to recharge after a lot of physical activity. tell your child to drink lost of water and just enough milk for strong bones.
8. Tame the TV and Video Games
   Limit the amount of TV watching and video games. Have your child do at least 2-3 times as much physical activity per day than they watch TV or play video games. Model this by noting the amount of TV you watch and time you play video games.
9. Make Time for Family to be Active Together
   At least once a week, make time for the members of your family to be active together. Do something everyone enjoys. try walking, riding bikes, bowling, or building a garden.
10. Plan special, Active Family Trips
    Active families often take active trips. Water and snow skiing, hiking, biking, and camping make great, active family trips. But don't forget to balance active things with "down time" to relax and just "hang out"

1. Respect Your Children's Mother
   One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong. If you are not married, it is still important to respect and support the mother of your children. A father and mother who respect each other provide a secure environment for their children. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected.
2. Spend Time with Your Children
   How a dad spends his time tells his children what is important to him. if you always seem too busy, they will feel neglected no matter what you say or how much money you spend on them. Treasuring children often means sacrificing other things, but it is essential! Children grow up quickly - missed opportunities are lost forever!
3. Earn the Right to be Heard
   Sometimes a father only speaks to his children when they have done something wrong. Start talking to your children when they have done something wrong. Start talking to your children about difficult subjects when they are young so that these conversations will be easier when they are older. Take the time to listen to their ideas and problems
4. Discipline with Love
   All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment but to set reasonable limits. remind your children that actions have consequences and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love for their children.
5. Be a Role Model
   Fathers are role models, whether or not they realize it. A girl with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect, and she knows what to look for in a husband. Fathers can teach sons what is important by demonstrating honesty, humility, and responsibility.
6. Be a teacher
   Too many fathers think teaching is something others do. but a father who teaches his children about right and wrong, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to help their children learn basic lessons of life.
7. Read to Your Children
   Dads have to make a special effort to read to their children in a world where television and video games dominate. Promote reading by reading to your children when they are young. Encourage them to read on their own as they grow. Instill a love of reading in your children and you will help them have a lifetime of personal and career growth.
8. Show Affection
   Children need to know they are wanted, accepted and loved by their family. Parents, especially fathers, need to feel comfortable and be willing to hug their children. Showing affection every day is a great way to let your children know that you love them.
9. Balance Work and Family
   Working dads sometimes think it's hard to spend time with family and succeed at work, but it can be done. The fact tis the more success you have balancing work and family, the better father and worker you'll be. Balance lowers the stress you have in both roles. you don't have to give up time with your family to succeed at work.
10. Realize that a Father's job is Never Done
    Even after your child has left home, if you're done your job well, she will still look to you for wisdom and advice. Fathers still play an essential part in the lives of their adult children as they build their own families. Dads create a legacy for future generations.

Good Parents want what's best for their child. Because you want to be a good parent, it's vital that you know how much children need an involved dad in their lives. An involved dad helps children in so many ways.

Lots of research shows that children who grow up with their dads do better, on average, in the following ways:

1. Better able to control their emotions.

   These children are:

   • Less likely to have emotional and behavioral problems
   • Less likely to be aggressive
   • 4 times less likely to have a mood disorder (like depression or anxiety)
2. Have better physical health.

   Children with an involved dad are less likely to be obese. That's because dads engage their children in physical play and can help their children learn the importance of exercise.
   These children are also:

   • 2 times less likely to die as infants
   • More likely to be breastfed
   • 2 times more likely to be fit
3. Have healthier relationships.

   Dads can help their children make good decisions about relationships. A good, involved dad's views affect what his daughter looks for in a boyfriend or husband. His views affect the kind of dad and husband his son will become, and how to treat girls and women. When a dad is present, teens are:

   • Less likely to have sex at an early age
   • 7 times less likely to become pregnant as a teen
4. Feel safer and more confident.

   Children are safer when their dad lives with them. Children who grow up without their dad are at a greater risk for child abuse. That's because a dad often plays the role of protector of his children. Children with involved dads are also:

   • 10 times less likely to be physically abused
   • 6 times less likely to suffer neglect
5. Less likely to use and abuse alcohol and drugs.

   An involved dad is an anti-drug. Children who use and abuse alcohol and drugs may do so because they lack the love and connection a dad and other family members provide. When a dad is present, children are:

   • Less likely to use alcohol or drugs
   • Less likely to abuse drugs
6. Do better in school.

   An involved dad helps children do well in school, even when a dad doesn't live with his children. When a dad is present, children are:

   • More likely to get A's
   • 2 times less likely to repeat a grade
   • Less likely to drop out of high school
7. Less likely to be poor.

   When a dad doesn't live with his children, it's harder for him to provide money to support his family. When a dad is present, children are:

   • 4 times less likely to live in poverty
   • 2 times less likely to experience poverty as adults
8. More likely to stay out of trouble.

   When a dad is present, children are:

   • Less likely to take risks that can harm them
   • Less likely to commit a crime
   • Less likely to go to prison

If you are a mom:

1. Be thankful for what the dad of your child offers your child.
2. Respect the dad as a parent, even if you might have poor feelings about him.
3. Ask dad for his opinion when making decisions for your child.
4. talk positively about the dad in front of your child.
5. Make your child's health and well-being a priority, and ask dad to be involved in your child's life in specific ways.

If you are a dad:

Take steps now to be there for your child:

1. Make time for your child and take an interest in their life.
2. Tell your child you love them.
3. if you are unmarried or not living with the mother, ask to see your child and find ways to be involved in their life.
4. Tell your child how important school is; attend your child's class and school events.
5. Be a role model for your son or daughter. Show them how to be a good parent, husband, wife, or partner; and how to treat people well.

For new dads and men about to become fathers, here’s some wisdom for raising your child.

1. Strengthen Your One-on-One Game

Most dads-to-be are concerned with taking care of a crying baby and other challenges babyhood brings. You will find, though, after a few months of on-the-job training, caring for your child becomes second nature. Learn how your baby reacts to your care, and he will learn what to expect from you, like that dads are fun! After a while, nobody will be able to take better care of your child.

2. Get to Know Your New Best Friend

A baby can steal your heart with a goofy smile, so you know he’ll do his part. Your part is to spend time with your child and notice how he responds to the world and to you. Notice his efforts to explore and learn. What calms and soothes him? And how does your baby like to play? You will tune into his world, learn to be patient and eventually teach him things, like a secret handshake— yes, seriously— that only you two know.

3. Share New Experiences

While at first your baby appears to just sleep, eat, cry and stare into space, there is an amazing process underway in your child’s brain. Your baby’s daily experiences of seeing, hearing and touching everything in sight are opportunities for growth and preparation for talking, walking and winning golf tournaments. Rich experiences produce rich brains. As a dad, you will make your child’s environment very rich indeed.

4. Be a Safety Net

You will likely feel an instinctual protectiveness of your baby that makes you diligent about adjusting your tot’s car seat, removing choking hazards and baby proofing things to stay ahead of your child’s growth and mobility. As your baby’s dad, take care of yourself as well. Ditch the pre-baby bad habits and macho risk-taking (no more skydiving or race car driving), to ensure you will be around a long time.

5. Admire Your Mate

The metamorphosis of a wife into a mother will be something you appreciate as one of the most remarkable of all human experiences. Your partner’s sacrifices and intense bond with your child warrant your deep respect. But it’s easy to take your spouse for granted. The three to four tough months after your baby’s birth present a window of opportunity for fathers. Dig deep; it’s going to pay off for decades.

6. Be There for Your MVP

Stepping up in caring for your baby shows mom she can count on you. Make sure your spouse feels good about herself as a mom, and remind her of the wonderful child she has produced. Watch for signs of depression and get mom in touch with her doctor if signs appear. Try to take a little time each day to talk to your wife about something other than the baby.

7. Get Your Wife Back

Your mate’s body, time and sense of worth will get wrapped up in her baby, and your former sweetheart won’t have much energy and attention left over for you for a while. Once life settles down a bit, it’s time to help your wife find her non-mom side again. The ball is in your court at this point to be patient and take the initiative on establishing the relationship you want for the next few decades.

8. Plan Your Road Ahead

You will get through the nine month warm-up period and endurance test of the first few months. After that, you’ll find your groove and define your plan for the long term. Understand that becoming a dad is an intensely personal process filled with peaks and valleys, and it’s up to you alone to make it work. Remember to also take care of yourself, enabling you to do your job for your family.

9. Get Outside and Explore

You will learn to accept that babies are a lot of work, and caring for them may not seem like much fun at times. You will also find that a father’s role in teaching his baby to play is one of the coolest jobs on the planet. Start the fun early with mini-adventures, such as letting your baby feel and explore your face, taking a trip to the hardware store and building a crawling obstacle course. These small feats lead to bigger ones like enrolling in swimming lessons with your child to prepare your tyke for surfing.

10. Take Pride in the Job You’re Doing as a Dad

Developing a strong sense of self as a father is crucial. As you meet your baby’s needs, learn to trust your instincts. Helping your child learn new things helps you to develop an awareness of how important you are to your son or daughter. Fatherhood will challenge you, broaden you and provide you with a deep sense of self-respect. (Being dads makes us men in the finest sense of the term.)

For dads of tykes rather than newborn tots, here are cool ways to celebrate Father’s Day.

• Enjoy a minor league baseball game.
• Go miniature golfing— no need for clubs or a golf cart.
• Fire up the grill. A cookout featuring dad’s favorite foods is always reason to celebrate.
• Play Wiffle ball or get a backyard football game going.
• Plan a picnic at the park or the beach. Be sure to bring a Frisbee, football or baseball gloves and a ball.
• Take a family bike ride around the neighborhood or head for the nearest state park or trail.

When dads are present and actively engaged in raising their kids, their children, on average…

Once the smoke has cleared from a divorce, former spouses have to go about the business of raising kids together. With respect, trust, and, yes, a good amount of time, that relationship can be extremely rewarding. In a perfect world, co-parents are able to work together, setting aside their differences and prioritizing the best interests of their kids above all else. Such relationships often take shape. But there are times where a healthy collaboration between co-parents isn’t possible because an ex wife or an ex husband doesn’t compromise, constantly belittles, or exhibits other such toxic behavior. Co-parenting with a toxic ex can be extremely difficult. 

“Anger and depression are natural byproducts of divorce,” says Nancy Cramer, a leadership consultant and the founder of Correct Course Consulting. “So many of one’s hopes and dreams are wrapped up in a marriage, and to have it end is to take away future possibilities.”

This emotional buildup, Cramer says, can very easily create to a poisonous stew of anxiety, guilt, and the need to undo what’s been done. “The endless loop of bargaining leads one down a rabbit hole of regret and blame,” she notes. “Understanding this enables one to have compassion for their ex-spouse.” 

Compassion is important. And although, emotional responses are common and probably expected, there are times when the co-parenting with an ex becomes toxic and too much to handle. When that happens, it may be time to recalibrate their relationship.

“When emotions are being used to diminish self-worth, distance needs to be established,” she says. “There comes a time when one has to say, ‘Let’s leave each other alone’.”

So what are some trouble signs when co-parenting with a toxic ex? If these behaviors begin to creep into a c0-parenting relationship with an ex, it may be time to establish new boundaries. 

When They Ignore the Other Parent’s Rules

Rules and routines are critical for raising children in any familial situation, divorced or otherwise. But when one considers the stress and emotional turmoil divorce can bring about in a child, the need for structure is even more vital. If one parent ignores already agreed-upon rules, then serious discussions need to take place.

“If one parent is lax in enforcing those rules, it will not only cause chaos with the children and conflict within the parents,” says Benjamin Valencia II, partner and certified family law specialist, Meyer, Olson, Lowy and Meyers. “But it will also create a situation where the children will use the parents against each other to get their way, which is most times not what is best for them.”

When They Constantly Run the Other Parent Down

Regardless of what mistakes may have been made, a co-parenting relationship needs to rely on trust and positive communication. If one parent can’t stop trashing the other, then it’s time to set new boundaries.

“This is highly toxic not only because it puts down the other parent in the child’s eyes but because it also makes the child feel as if something is wrong with them as the other parent is a part of the child,” says Valencia. “Over time, speaking poorly about the other parent will negatively impact not only the co-parenting relationship but also the child’s self-esteem.”

When Compromise Can Never, Ever Be Reached

Although rules and other means of establishing consistency are important, there has to be room for compromise. Schedules change, unexpected circumstances arise, and parents have to be willing to go with the flow. If an ex is refusing to be flexible, he or she is doing more harm than good. “The only people who truly suffer are the kids,” says Valencia. “The important thing should be that the kids get to participate or have the experience not who gets what weekend.”

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When They Send Sexually Charged Texts

Relationship coaches Dana and Todd Mitchem report seeing a number of people who say that their exes continue to send sexually charged texts and inappropriate messages, seemingly as a way of wooing them back. But they can, according to the Mitchems, be incredibly toxic. 

“While these text messages may be disturbing to your new partner as well as you, they are nothing more than just a gimmick to make you question your decision about leaving your ex-partner and ruin what you have in your new and awesome relationship,” they says. “You will have to build boundaries and tell the ex to only communicate about the kids and emergencies rather than pimp themselves out over text.”

When They Are Constantly Rude to the Other in Public

When ex-spouses meet in public, it’s essential to be polite — especially when there are kids present. If that can’t happen, they need to be civil at the very least. In the fallout of a messy divorce, some parents can’t summon the will to be cordial to their ex, and it only leads to problems.

“Not only does this behavior create tension, it also causes stress to the children and provides a bad example,” says Valencia. “No matter what, they will be co-parenting children together for the foreseeable future and they should present a united front so the children are reassured that both parents will work together in their best interests, especially during a time of transition and uncertainty.”

When They Rub Alimony and Child Support in the Other’s Face

The Mitchems note that many of the people they’ve worked with have received mocking texts or emails from their exes regarding how they are spending the support money they’ve received. Messages such as, “My new boyfriend says thanks for the vacation that you paid for!” As angering as a note like that can be, Dana and Todd suggest letting it go and considering the source. “This childish behavior has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the ex and their insecurities, unresolved anger, lack of accountability in their own life, and just being a professional victim,” they say. “In this case, we advise the couples to be the bigger person and ignore them.”

By Jeremy Brown

 

Updated Dec 07 2021, 4:54 AM

Grounding is a practice that can help you pull away from flashbacks, unwanted memories, and negative or challenging emotions.

These techniques may help distract you from what you’re experiencing and refocus on what’s happening in the present moment.

You can use grounding techniques to help create space from distressing feelings in nearly any situation, but they’re especially helpful if you’re dealing with:

• anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociation, self-harm urges, traumatic memories, substance use disorder

• Physical techniques

These techniques use your five senses or tangible objects — things you can touch — to help you move through distress.

1. Put your hands in water

Focus on the water’s temperature and how it feels on your fingertips, palms, and the backs of your hands. Does it feel the same in each part of your hand?  Use warm water first, then cold. Next, try cold water first, then warm. Does it feel different to switch from cold to warm water versus warm to cold?

2. Pick up or touch items near you

Are the things you touch soft or hard? Heavy or light? Warm or cool? Focus on the texture and color of each item. Challenge yourself to think of specific colors, such as crimson, burgundy, indigo, or turquoise, instead of simply red or blue.

3. Breathe deeply

Slowly inhale, then exhale. If it helps, you can say or think “in” and “out” with each breath. Feel each breath filling your lungs and note how it feels to push it back out.

4. Savor a food or drink

Take small bites or sips of a food or beverage you enjoy, letting yourself fully taste each bite. Think about how it tastes and smells and the flavors that linger on your tongue.

5. Take a short walk

Concentrate on your steps — you can even count them. Notice the rhythm of your footsteps and how it feels to put your foot on the ground and then lift it again.

6. Hold a piece of ice

What does it feel like at first? How long does it take to start melting? How does the sensation change when the ice begins to melt?

7. Savor a scent

Is there a fragrance that appeals to you? This might be a cup of tea, an herb or spice, a favorite soap, or a scented candle. Inhale the fragrance slowly and deeply and try to note its qualities (sweet, spicy, sharp, citrusy, and so on).

8. Move your body

Do a few exercises or stretches. You could try jumping jacks, jumping up and down, jumping rope, jogging in place, or stretching different muscle groups one by one.

Pay attention to how your body feels with each movement and when your hands or feet touch the floor or move through the air. How does the floor feel against your feet and hands? If you jump rope, listen to the sound of the rope in the air and when it hits the ground.

9. Listen to your surroundings

Take a few moments to listen to the noises around you. Do you hear birds? Dogs barking? Machinery or traffic? If you hear people talking, what are they saying? Do you recognize the language? Let the sounds wash over you and remind you where you are.

10. Feel your body

You can do this sitting or standing. Focus on how your body feels from head to toe, noticing each part.

Can you feel your hair on your shoulders or forehead? Glasses on your ears or nose? The weight of your shirt on your shoulders? Do your arms feel loose or stiff at your sides? Can you feel your heartbeat? Is it rapid or steady? Does your stomach feel full, or are you hungry? Are your legs crossed, or are your feet resting on the floor? Is your back straight?

Curl your fingers and wiggle your toes. Are you barefoot or in shoes? How does the floor feel against your feet?

11. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method

Working backward from 5, use your senses to list things you notice around you. For example, you might start by listing five things you hear, then four things you see, then three things you can touch from where you’re sitting, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.  Make an effort to notice the little things you might not always pay attention to, such as the color of the flecks in the carpet or the hum of your computer.

Mental techniques

These grounding exercises use mental distractions to help redirect your thoughts away from distressing feelings and back to the present.

12. Play a memory game

Look at a detailed photograph or picture (like a cityscape or other “busy” scene) for 5 to 10 seconds. Then, turn the photograph face-down and recreate the photograph in your mind, in as much detail as possible. Or, you can mentally list all the things you remember from the picture.

13. Think in categories

Choose one or two broad categories, such as “musical instruments,” “ice cream flavors,” “mammals,” or “baseball teams.” Take a minute or two to mentally list as many things from each category as you can.

14. Use math and numbers

Even if you aren’t a math person, numbers can help center you.

Try:

• running through a times table in your head.
• counting backward from 100
• choosing a number and thinking of five ways you could make the number (6 + 11 = 17, 20 – 3 = 17, 8 × 2 + 1 = 17, etc.)

15. Recite something

Think of a poem, song, or book passage you know by heart. Recite it quietly to yourself or in your head. If you say the words aloud, focus on the shape of each word on your lips and in your mouth. If you say the words in your head, visualize each word as you’d see it on a page.

16. Make yourself laugh

Make up a silly joke — the kind you’d find on a candy wrapper or popsicle stick.  You might also make yourself laugh by watching your favorite funny animal video, a clip from a comedian or TV show you enjoy, or anything else you know will make you laugh.

17. Use an anchoring phrase

This might be something like, “I’m Full Name. I’m X years old. I live in City, State. Today is Friday, June 3. It’s 10:04 in the morning. I’m sitting at my desk at work. There’s no one else in the room.”  You can expand on the phrase by adding details until you feel calm, such as, “It’s raining lightly, but I can still see the sun. It’s my break time. I’m thirsty, so I’m going to make a cup of tea.”

18. Visualize a daily task you enjoy or don’t mind doing

If you like doing laundry, for example, think about how you’d put away a finished load.  “The clothes feel warm coming out of the dryer. They’re soft and a little stiff at the same time. They feel light in the basket, even though they spill over the top. I’m spreading them out over the bed so they won’t wrinkle. I’m folding the towels first, shaking them out before folding them into halves, then thirds,” and so on.

19. Describe a common task

Think of an activity you do often or can do very well, such as making coffee, locking up your office, or tuning a guitar. Go through the process step-by-step, as if you’re giving someone else instructions on how to do it.

20. Imagine yourself leaving the painful feelings behind

Picture yourself:

• gathering the emotions, balling them up, and putting them into a box
• walking, swimming, biking, or jogging away from painful feelings
• imagining your thoughts as a song or TV show you dislike, changing the channel or turning down the volume — they’re still there, but you don’t have to listen to them.

21. Describe what’s around you

Spend a few minutes taking in your surroundings and noting what you see. Use all five senses to provide as much detail as possible. “This bench is red, but the bench over there is green. It’s warm under my jeans since I’m sitting in the sun. It feels rough, but there aren’t any splinters. The grass is yellow and dry. The air smells like smoke. I hear kids having fun and two dogs barking.”

Soothing techniques

You can use these techniques to comfort yourself in times of emotional distress. These exercises can help promote good feelings that may help the negative feelings fade or seem less overwhelming.

22. Picture the voice or face of someone you love

If you feel upset or distressed, visualize someone positive in your life. Imagine their face or think of what their voice sounds like. Imagine them telling you that the moment is tough, but that you’ll get through it.

23. Practice self-kindness

Repeat kind, compassionate phrases to yourself:

• “You’re having a rough time, but you’ll make it through.”
• “You’re strong, and you can move through this pain.”
• “You’re trying hard, and you’re doing your best.”

Say it, either aloud or in your head, as many times as you need.

24. Sit with your pet

If you’re at home and have a pet, spend a few moments just sitting with them. If they’re of the furry variety, pet them, focusing on how their fur feels. Focus on their markings or unique characteristics. If you have a smaller pet you can hold, concentrate on how they feel in your hand.  Not at home? Think of your favorite things about your pet or how they would comfort you if they were there.

25. List favorites

List three favorite things in several different categories, such as foods, trees, songs, movies, books, places, and so on.

26. Visualize your favorite place

Think of your favorite place, whether it’s the home of a loved one or a foreign country. Use all of your senses to create a mental image. Think of the colors you see, sounds you hear, and sensations you feel on your skin.  Remember the last time you were there. Who were you with, if anyone? What did you do there? How did you feel?

27. Plan an activity

This might be something you do alone or with a friend or loved one. Think of what you’ll do and when. Maybe you’ll go to dinner, take a walk on the beach, see a movie you’ve been looking forward to, or visit a museum.  Focus on the details, such as what you’ll wear, when you’ll go, and how you’ll get there.

28. Touch something comforting

This could be your favorite blanket, a much-loved T-shirt, a smooth stone, a soft carpet, or anything that feels good to touch. Think about how it feels under your fingers or in your hand.  If you have a favorite sweater, scarf, or pair of socks, put them on and spend a moment thinking about the sensation of the fabric on your skin.

29. List positive things

Write or mentally list four or five things in your life that bring you joy, visualizing each of them briefly.

30. Listen to music

Put on your favorite song, but pretend you’re listening to it for the first time. Focus on the melody and lyrics (if there are any). Does the song give you chills or create any other physical sensations? Pay attention to the parts that stand out most to you.

Additional tips

Grounding yourself isn’t always easy. It may take some time before the techniques work well for you, but don’t give up on them.  Here are some additional tips to help you get the most out of these techniques:

• Practice. It can help to practice grounding even when you aren’t dissociating or experiencing distress. If you get used to an exercise before you need to use it, it may take less effort when you want to use it to cope in the moment.
• Start early. Try doing a grounding exercise when you first start to feel bad. Don’t wait for distress to reach a level that’s harder to handle. If the technique doesn’t work at first, try to stick with it for a bit before moving on to another.
• Avoid assigning values. For example, if you’re grounding yourself by describing your environment, concentrate on the basics of your surroundings, rather than how you feel about them.
• Check in with yourself. Before and after a grounding exercise, rate your distress as a number between 1 and 10. What level is your distress when you begin? How much did it decrease after the exercise? This can help you get a better idea of whether a particular technique is working for you.
• Keep your eyes open. Avoid closing your eyes, since it’s often easier to remain connected to the present if you’re looking at your current environment.

Grounding techniques can be powerful tools to help you cope with distressing thoughts in the moment. But the relief they provide is generally temporary.

It’s important to get help from a therapist so you can address what’s causing your distress.